TIDE: My secret to a long-lasting relationship

"Marriage is an adventure, like going to war."

I saw this quote by English writer G. K. Chesterton a week before my wedding day as I browse the internet for ideas for a groom’s message. Perfect timing, right?

Honestly, it made me paused for a while and asked myself, “Am I really ready for marriage?”

In the midst of a confused mind, a cluttered computer table and a slice of cold pizza that afternoon, my phone rang. It was Leah. 

While listening to her soothing voice and sweet nothings, memories of some of the best moments of our relationship just hit me from left to right. From our very first hello to the biggest hugs we gave each other after coming back from a two-year work stint overseas. From our first kiss to the scariest day of my life when she went under the knife to remove her unfriendly gallbladder.

It’s was like a roller-coaster ride already and we’re not yet married. It could definitely be a war once we tie the knot since we might still give each other ‘surprises” when we start to live under one roof. 

But after our conversation over the phone, I felt a big smile was just painted on my face. I realized that if there is one person that I’d like to be on my side in any battle that I’ll meet in life along the way, I want nobody but her.

We got married on December of 2006. We vowed to be each other’s pillar of strength and wall to lean on in times of trouble. We swore to overcome any obstacle life has to offer but never expected that the first two years of our married life is indeed a big war. In August 2007, we lost our first child due to birth complications. Baby Monique just lived for a day. After three months, a time I have yet fully recovered emotionally, my brother Jimmy died at the young age of 21. The following year, Leah lost her beloved lolo due to a lung disease.

At first, we could not understand the series of tragedies that hit us.  Why us? We’re just a couple whose only wish is to have a happy family life but got to start on a sour note. But as they say, time heals all wounds. In 2009, we got the best blessing of our lives--- our son Charles.  Despite having asthma (something he inherited from me) and a record of 9-day hospital confinement due to pneumonia on his 9^th month, Charles is our source of strength and inspiration for me and my wife.  We worked hard every day with him and his future in our minds.  Now, we understand why we have each other. Through the years, we have become a team that has overcome every trial we encountered in life and got stronger after surviving the storms.

Six years and counting, I can’t recall any major major argument or tsunami walk out in our household.  I just can’t stand to hurt the Ms. Universe of my life. We live a simple life but we make each other feel like a king and queen in the best way we can.  We are a royal couple who share an order of large French fries from our favorite fast food shop, wrestle our way in a crowded Sabado market for our week’s supply, and do the laundry even after coming from an 8-hour toxic work load. These and other routines might sounds a little boring to some but for us, we don’t mind doing the same things over and over again for as long as we have each other’s company.

Speaking of doing the laundry, I want to share what I believe are secrets to a long-lasting relationship based on personal experiences. I want to do a list using the brand of detergent soap that we’ve been using at home ever since. And so I say, if you want a long-lasting relationship, think of TIDE:

Trust. Do not do something that will put a stain on your spouse’s trust on you. Give the assurance that even you’re away interacting with other people who have better abs or longer shinier hair, the only number that you’ll give away to a flirting stranger looking for a place to stay is 117.  Although sometimes, feeling a little jealous is okay but it should easily be dissolved with a spoon of sugar-sweet message (Note: not sugar-coated).  But I have to admit, my wife can’t trust me with unattended slice of cake or tub of ice cream in the ref.

Intimacy. Would you believe that after six years of being a married couple, I still make “ligaw” to my wife? That’s even I did not do anything wrong. I just wanted it that way.  Call me a sentimental fool or what but I still make “kilig” every time her face blushes or lights up with a poem I have composed, flowers I sent to her office or a favorite song or movie she been looking for was downloaded.  I want to fulfil my wedding vow (yup, the one that I drafted with inspiration from Mr. Chesterton) that I will do anything that can make my wife happy.  

Devotion. The word is synonymous to love, loyalty and fidelity. Just choose one and paste it on your heart and you’re good to go. But it’s easier said than done. For me, devotion is the ideal response to the trust that your better half gives you. That whether she is near or far, wherever you are, believe that the heart does go on... only for her! A Titanic task to some but it’s the tip of the iceberg of many successful love stories. 

Excitement. Who doesn’t like surprises?  From teething toddlers to old folks loosing teeth to single individuals by choice and married people to their chosen ones, a moment of excitement is a welcome treat anytime of the day. As much as I wanted to enumerate the many surprises that I gave my wife since Day 1, I might need a separate blog post or two for a complete listing (I am not kidding).  But what I can share is a 12-minute video of a feature in GMA 7’s Wish Ko Lang where I surprised my wife of a gift that I asked for her.

I have always believed that a successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. I will never regret that day I exchanged I do’s with my wife Leah until my last breath.  And if in case I’ll be given another chance to live again, I will write to the same TV show for the second time and request if I can possibly be granted of the li.fe I had before--- in the arms of the woman of my dreams.

Here’s another video that I hope can inspire anyone who watches it to aim in building a long-lasting relationship with their loved ones. It features stories of how love continues to live on and grow despite of distance and despair. It's also good to hear that brands like Tide, which has been a part of many Filipinos' lives for many generation has come up with a wonderful project as a way of recognizing couples who have overcome obstacles and great sacrifices in the name of love. A truly commendable gesture from Tide that is now fortified with Downy for a truly more sweet-smelling experience for all its loyal fans.

Whether you’re in love or still looking for that someone to love, this clip will surely give you a taste of what a “Pag-ibig na Pangmatagalan” is all about.