Jologs Showbiz Quotes

I read a news that Yahoo will deactivate accounts not used/ opened for at least a year this July 2013 so I tried to open my inactive accounts. I was able to retrieve a couple and failed to get into some. Browsing in the inbox of my old email address, I found an email message from a name I can't recognized with the subject: Jologs Showbiz Quotes.

Nap Gutierrez

It contained funny, witty, controversial and forgettable quotes from local artists and beauty pageant contest shown on TV.  I am publishing it as it was written in the body of the message. Enjoy reading, guys!

Disclaimer: If your age is around 20 years, please ask somebody in his or her 30's and above to guide you who some of the personalities here.

Thought that you guys would get a kick out of more ka-"jolog"ans.

1. NAP GUTIERREZ INTERVIEWING MANILYN REYNES IN MOVIE MAGAZINE
NAP: Saan ka movie outfit nakakontrata?

MANILYN: So far, hindi ko naman pinoproblema ang mga wardrobes ko kasi ex-deal naman eh.

2. JULLIE YAP DAZA GUESTING ON VILMA!

JULLIE: O Vi nag-guest na ko dito sa show. Ikaw, kailan ka naman mag-ge-guest sa show ko?
VILMA : Alam mo naman Tita Jullie, busy kami ni Ralph sa pag-a-arrange ng kasal namin. Siguro pagkatapos na lang ng marriage!

3. If I were to compare the stars of my era with the star discoveries of Dr. Rey dela Cruz,it would be like placing the Taj Majal of India side by side with a Volkswagen. * CELIA RODRIGUEZ

4. RITA GOMEZ AS A JUDGE IN A BB. PILIPINAS PAGEANT, ASKING A
CANDIDATE A QUESTION DURING THE Q AND A (CANDIDATE INCIDENTALLY IS MARIA ISABEL LOPEZ)
RITA: Here's your question, hija: Are you still a virgin?
MARIA ISABEL: If I say I still am, can I bring home the crown tonight?
RITA: Good answer!
MARIA ISABEL: What about you Ma'am, are you still a virgin?
RITA: Hija I have 5 children with 5 different fathers,what do you
call that, Immaculate Conception???

5. Ang ganda ng gospel number na yon, napaka-enlighting. Teka magpupunas lang ako, I'm sweatening.*VILMA SANTOS

6. Thank you, Lucky for the flowers...where did they came from?
*VILMA SANTOS

7. Being Miss Universe is like having a birthstone, you may lose it. Being a Filipina is like having a birthmark, it's forever.
*MARGIE MORAN DURING THE Q AND A PORTION OF THE 1973 MISS
UNIVERSE, ASKED WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BEING MISS UNIVERSE AND BEING A FILIPINA

8. Ang pelikula mong PAYASHO Kuya GERMSH ay bulok, BASHURA, PANISH
kaya hindi SHURPRISE na hindi ka nominated SHA BESHT Actor. *CHARLIE ARCEO

9. Salamat po sa Board of Judges. Ito na ho yata ang pinakamaligaya
kong pasko at manigong bagong taon sa inyong lahat. * MELANIE MARQUEZ'S
ACCEPTANCE SPEECH FOR WINNING BEST ACTRESS IN A METRO FILMFEST

10. Successful naman ang libing ng nanay ko. *BABETTE VILLARUEL

11. "Sa tingin ko ang pinaka-asset ko sa mukha ko ay ugali! Mabait
kasi ako eh" *MR. POGI CONTESTANT'S ANSWER TO THE QUESTION: ANO SA MUKHA
MO ANG PINAKA-ASSET MO?

12. Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! I am Ma. Rosario Liboon, I
come from the beautiful city of Pangasinan...City! *SHE'S GOT THE LOOK
CONTESTANT DURING THE PARADE OF CONTESTANTS

13. Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! I am Carmelita Hernandez, I
come from Pasay City and I want to be a medicine! *ANOTHER SHE'S GOT THE
LOOK CONTESTANT DURING THE PARADE OF CONTESTANTS

14. BOY A: O Melanie, do you have any message to your mother-in-law in case nanonood siya ngayon?

MELANIE: You know what Kuya Boy, I have to speak in English cause she cannot understand Tagalog. "You know what Mrs. Dee...I've long been wanting to tell you this... Ang labo mo!"

15. EDU: So who's to blame?
VILMA: Excuse me, it's not my fault anymore. It's your fault
anymore!

16. CHARLIE ARCEO : EXKYUSH me, Ate LUDSH, I have a QUESHTION to
ISHNOOKY. ISHNOOKY GUSHTO ko lang SHANANG itanong na...
SNOOKY : (SUMINGIT BEFORE CHARLIE COMPLETES HIS QUESTION) Excuse
me Charlie, pero puwede bang isulat mo na lang para malinaw?

17. OVERHEARD FROM A GIRL NA GALIT SA KARARATING NA BOYFRIEND SA
STARBUCKS.
GIRL : My God you're so late. Where did you...Where have
you... Where do you...saan ka ba galing???

18. HOST : WHICH DO YOU PREFER: BLONDE OR DUMB?
GIRL : DUMB NA LANG AT LEAST HINDI AKO MAPAGKAKAMALANG BLONDE!

19. DESSA AFTER SINGING A SPOT NUMBER IN A REGINE VELASQUEZ CONCERT.
DESSA APPARENTLY SANG A VERY VOCALLY CHALLENGING SONG AND AS EXPECTED,
ENDED IT WITH A THROAT BREAKING NOTE. REGINE ENTERS.
DESSA : O kala mo ikaw lang ang mataas ang boses.Kaya mo yun?
REGINE : Eh ano ngayon, maganda ka ba?

20. SABRINA M. MAKES TARAY TO OSANG IN A TALK SHOW.
SABRINA M: At least hindi naman ako katulad ng iba diyan na retokado ang boobs.
OSANG : Hoy Sabrina, oo nga itong boobs ko retokado. Pero at least ang ngipin ko hindi pustiso tulad ng sa yo! Ooops huwag kang magagalit baka malaglag yan sa sahig!

21. "I am inviting all the televiewers to watch our movie 14 Going Steady on the twenty-twoth of November...."
(HAY NAKU, O SIYA....) -Nadia Montenegro -

22. "Sana po'y panoorin natin ang The Life Story Of Julie Vega...alam kong masaya si Julie ngayon dahil it's just around the corner.
(GAWIN DAW BANG CHRISTMAS SPIRIT SI JULIE?) -Nadia Montenegro-

23. "I am not an addict. I am the victims!"
(WALA TALAGA SIYANG PAGOD, NO?) -Melanie Marquez-

24. Host: "Ano ba ang pinaka-favorite mong movie lately, Melanie?"
Melanie:"Maganda yung kay Emma Thompson at Kate Winslet, yung "Simple and Simplicity".
(ANG ATE NINYO TALAGA?!!!)

25. "If you're not gonna change this mic, this is going to be my last show!"
-Jaya on stage, regarding her mic on the Kuh/Jaya Power of 2
cONcert, where there was a rumor that Kuh instructed the tech to give Jaya a
defective mic-

26. "Sikat na sikat ka talaga! Wala akong masabi sa yo. Wala akong masabi lalo na sa kabaduyan mo!"
-Ai Ai delas Alas during her concert, with guest April Boy Regino-

27. "Magandang Tanghali po, ako po si Luzviminda Cortez mula sa Camarines Sur,sumalangit na po ang inyong kaluluwa!"
-Miss Gay Philippines candidate during the parade of candidates-

28. RITA GOMEZ : Good evening, Elvira!
ELVIRA MANAHAN : It was! What's your business here?
RITA GOMEZ : It was plain business until the monkey came.
-Rita Gomez guesting on Two for the Road with Elvira Manahan and Nestor Torre-

29. Ladies and gentlemen let's all welcome Miss Sheryl Cruz!
-Martin Nievera presenting Ruffa Gutierrez with this intro on Martin After Dark-

30. Ladies and gentlemen, take it away with Miss Jean Saburat!
-Joe Quirino presenting Jean Saburit with this intro on Seeing Stars with JQ

Hope you were inspired by the quotes. Till then! :)

Transform yourself with Schick

When I was young, I had this crazy thought that I am being raised by superheroes.

I often see my father works on wood and nails and just about anything to make a chair, stair case, dog house, pigeon cage, and the likes with the help of his utility belt.  He has tools to saw lumber, twist metals and (I hope he won’t find out that I said this) I caught him one time hammering garlic while cooking adobo.  He’s resourcefulness and love for “gadgets” is comparable to Batman.

How about my mother? Our ever loving Nanay can do just about anything--- from taking care of her children to cooking meals, from washing clothes and cleaning the house--- without a trace of her getting tired. I see her accomplished tasks with dedication even though it’s the same things she’s been doing at home every day. She deserves to be called as Wonder Woman with such amazing ability.

Thus, I also have this fantasy of being a superhero someday while growing up. Now that I’m already in my thirties, the illusion of being able to wear a cape, fly high and run as fast as a bullet train still tickle my imagination. Now, if the Gods from Planet Krypton can read this, I hope they can lend me the powers of Clark Kent even for a limited time so I can finally realize things I can only witness in my dreams. Even if I have to wear my underwear over my pants, I’ll do it for the sake of being the Man of Steel for seven days.

This would be my schedule for that super week which will be a world tour of sort:

Monday – I’ll go on an Asian tour. I will complete the Great Wall of China in 10 seconds, free fall from the Burj Kalifa in Dubai, eat tons of sushi and tempura in Tokyo, watch a K-Pop concert for free while floating on top of the Olympic Stadium in Seoul and of course, shop in Hong Kong.

Tuesday - I’ll visit the land down under. I will chase kangaroos and play with its joeys, race with a Tasmanian Devil, throw a boomerang and try to catch it in mid air while blindfolded, and watch shows outside the Sydney Opera House using my x-tray vision.

Wednesday – I’ll travel to Europe. I will try to fix the Leaning Tower of Pisa, go out on a date with a girl from Paris and hopefully experience genuine French kiss (if not, will just order fries at a fast food store), get soaked in London rain and pay respect to Pope Francis.

Thursday – I’ll circle South America. I’ll attend costume parties in the streets of Rio de Janeiro, go on a deep sea diving exploration in the Caribbean Sea, be literally on the middle of the planet at Ecuador and try to get a cameo role in a Venezuelan soap opera.  

Friday – I’ll explore Africa. I will try stop sand storms in Sahara desert, check and fix cracks on the pyramids of Egypt, tame a cheetah or a rhino, learn new survival skills in the Safari, and relax and take a quick shower at Victoria falls.

Saturday – I’ll journey to North America. I will try to catch live NBA games in every city stop, guess at Ellen or Oprah’s show and show my super singing skills, party at New York City or Las Vegas and try to run and jump from East coast to West coast as fast as I can.

Sunday – I’ll be in the best place in the world. And that’s in the loving arms of my wife and son Charles. I will be the Super Dad at home for the day and they can ask me anything they want which is probably a piece of cake since I’m Superman, right?

But being the Man of Steel is not just about strength and the power to fly or run fast.  You also have to be street smart and you think sharp like the razor of Schick.

Incidentally, Schick is giving away tickets to the special screening of Man of Steel plus other premium items though their Superman promo. All you have to do is click the image below and you will be directed to the contest page. Always remember: Schick. Free Your Skin.

Per DTI-NCR Permit No.1843 Series of 2013.

The Shopping Man (SM) in me

 

You know how significant and dependable a brand is when it becomes synonymous to something people love. Take the case of The SM Store. You’ll definitely think about shopping when you hear the two-letter name, right? That’s why we often hear the phrases “Nag-SM ako” or “SM tayo mamaya.”

SM has been a part of many Filipinos’ everyday lives. From dining to family bonding, to shopping adventures and new great discoveries, everyone has an exciting story to tell about his or her SM experience unless, of course, that person happens to live under a rock. 

My favorite shopping mall is everywhere and have become landmarks and preferred meeting places of people binded by a goal of finding quality products at reasonable prizes. Personally, I have great memories about The SM Store growing up. From top to toe, there’s a touch of SM in me since birth. That’s why I can proudly say that, “Laki ako sa SM.”     

I’ll tell a chapter of the great SM experience I have by opening my closet, literally. I want to share my fashion finds and why I love to shop at The SM Store. 

I am SM all over! If not for the company-issued pants and polo uniform, my outfit everyday is likely 100% bought from the largest mall chain in the country. Every working day, I wear a black slip-on and lace-up leather shoes interchangeably every other day (and soon to be added is a pair of Milanos shoes that I can’t get over with since I saw it last weekend) along with long BioFresh casual socks.

Oopps, I almost forgot to mention that I am also wrapped with a Walker boxer shorts and Yacht Club undershirt every weekday.  For my fashion gears, I flaunt my cool Giordano sunglasses and Alba wristwatch (I am a fan of the brand since the 80’s) to complement my leathers--- Hickok wallet and McJim belt.   And you’ll definitely stare on my behind every time I carry my hip Jansport bag.

Come dress down Friday and the weekends, I can mix and match any of my fave tops with my Uniqlo pants. Almost every Sunday, we spent our family date at SM Cubao, Megamall or to the newly opened SM Aura since they are near to our house in Pasig. Every visit there, I see to it to grab a new shirt either from the men’s or teens' section. I love statement shirts and also those with movie-inspired prints. I am also fond of the brand Tribal because I dig their designs and find them very comfortable on my body plus the fact that it’s wash and wear.

I have two pairs of footwear still in their boxes waiting for the time in case any of my active casual/ rubber shoes will show sign that they already need to retire. These shoes I bought all from The SM Store--- Converse Chuck taylor, World Balance running shoes and Fila sneakers--- are durable that looks like they will still last for a long time. This is just a proof that when you buy it from SM, you'll definitely get the quality product they promise to their customers. 

 

I am just grateful that I there is one store in our country that basically provide the needs of every person entering their very inviting glass doors. I am already in my mid-30’s and I can say that the store has also grew up with me and continues to capture my taste and sense of style. It still offers things my generation are accustomed with and at the same time present new products for us to try thus we’re up to date with the latest trend.

I remember asking my 4-year old son once if he gets tired going to SM every weekend.

He quickly answered, “No!”

I asked why and he said, “Because SM has everything.”

I couldn’t agree more.

For updates and promotions from The SM Store, please like their Facebook fan page: http://www.facebook.com/TheSMStore

Kettle Korn: Poppin’ Fun All The Time!

 

I am one of the corniest soul you’ll ever meet.

No, it’s not about the jokes that I deliver. Actually, some people convince me to be a stand-up comedian and they swear I’ll be a good one.  They say that just the sight of me standing on stage is already a comedy skit.

Well, that’s another story. The other “corny” side that I want to share is my love for anything corn.  Roasted, grilled, creamed corn or whatever dishes with corn, I’ll eat it!

One corn I'll never get tired eating is pop corn. Well, not just pop corn--- it should be Kettle Korn. I can have the Chesse flavor on MWF and Sweet n' Salty Twister during TThS. And on Sundays, will munch on both.

Let me tell you a little history about pop corn that I discovered through the years of gobbling up this tasty treat.  Kettle corn, said to be the precursor of what is popularly known as popcorn, was introduced in America back in the 18th century. When the corn was popped in cast-iron kettles, it will be then mixed with natural sweeteners such as honey, molasses or sugar. It was a staple snack food of cowboys and farmers.

Personally, watching in movie houses is incomplete without a bucket of pop corn.  It’s just to be there on your side while you cry with the film stars or scream with them as crazy villains scare them away.

Speaking of movies, I have this "corny" dream since I was a kid that still tickle my imagination from time to time: I want to star in my own film.  Now if ever I will be given a chance to do one (whether an indie, Star Cinema-produced or maybe a Hollywood budgeted feature), I wanna be in an action flick with race cars, exploding "just-about-anything" and hot chicks. I was thinking of doing Ala-Vin Diesel but being the 30 something stout family guy that I am now, I'm afraid I don't have the same steam engine that I have during my younger years and I'll be limited to doing jogging to chase the bad guys or throw the towel instead of a punch in a fight scene.

Thus, it will be an action musicale comedy that I'll call "Fat and Curious." This will be a story of a man whose journey to parenthood became literally a walk down memory lane, trying (and eating) just about anything before giving them to his son. From tasting instant cereals to lollipops and candies to waiting for ice cream carts and cotton candy on wheels, he gained weight because of all his curiosities.   This should be an easy G rating since confrontations will be sang, race cars will be animated and always smiling, explosions are slimes like those in Nickelodeon and hot chicks comes with a gravy. 

How this story will end? Well, would you like such fantasy to end? I'll relive it and might make a reality TV show out of it.

During the premiere night of "Fat and Curious", I'll give away free pop corn to every person who will weight heavier than me. Now, that's what you call a promotion, right? Of course, I'll be serving only the best snack of them all--- Kettle Korn! For me it's the best because it makes watch movies poppin' fun all the time. I've been a fan of Kettle Korn for years.

Whether you watch it in the big screen or in your living room, movies are such wonders that simply capture the heart of fans of all ages. Though some films might just be a carnival of sheer brute and crazy stunts or over acting tear jearkers and compilation of silly jokes, what's important is the fact that even for a moment people from all walks of life find enjoyment in the midst of a crazier place called reality.

Now, any fat and curious gals out there willing to be my leading lady?